Portraits in Determination - Inspirational Individuals

Life Beyond Addiction
An Interview with Mike Green
By Linda Furiate

Michael Green and I crossed paths while working together at Columbia Addictions Center. The first time I met Michael I was walking in the front door to the office and he was sitting at my desk. Immediately, I felt a tremendous comfort level in his presence, as though he understood the depths of my driving passions. It took me a while to approach Mike about his past. While observing his enthusiasm and commitment to the individuals at Columbia Addiction Center, I knew I needed to learn more about what made him tick.

When I started Portraits in Determination, my goal was to help individuals learn to understand themselves at a Soul level. I work with and mentor those who have suffered adversity and wish to learn and grow from the difficult experiences they may endure. Michael was no stranger to adversity, it was something that has plagued him most of his life. Only now as he is living the second portion of his existence, has he learned to understand the challenges he faced in his youth and apply this knowledge to help others.

As I sat across from Michael in this interview, I saw the brawny physical presence of a man and the confused, frightened reality of his boyhood. At age 13, Michael was already drinking alcohol, which soon led to hallucinogens, marijuana and later to his obsessions with these mind-altering substances. The drugs and alcohol eased the pain of his being discarded by his mother when she re-married. With nowhere else to go, he found himself living in an abandoned car behind a local grocery store. He lived with friends, in basements, or wherever he could find a place to lay his head, sheltered from the elements of the cold night air. Not until Michael was well into his 40's would he truly understand how these early fears of abandonment robbed him of the only thing he deeply desired - love.

Michael describes himself in the midst of his addictions, as a "functional alcoholic". His cravings for booze, cocaine and an occasional joint never got in the way of his personal or professional life. He considers himself a family man with 3 wonderful children. College educated, he received his MBA now specializing in addictions counseling. But all along the way to his success, something was missing. He talks of his loneliness, his unhappiness, not allowing anyone to get close to him and how moving beyond his fears of abandonment have controlled his emotions and his decisions.

As he has moved to the other side of his addictions crisis, Michael is learning to accept his childhood and himself. As he describes it, he did not want to look at his parents as the cause of his suffering. He did not want to blame them for his unhappy life. Once he was able to understand and accept the decisions of his parents, both given away at early ages, was he then able to move forward in understanding his own life and his purpose. Today Michael takes great pride in his recovery. He has found his gift and has learned to take the tragedies of his life and share his experiences, as he treats his patients and their addictions.

Linda Furiate - Take me back to the days of your life when drugs and alcohol were an enormous part of your life. What was your typical day like?

Michael Green - I would describe myself as a functional alcoholic. My addiction problem did not interfere with my relationships or my career. I have never been fired from a job or lost a relationship because of my drinking. But when the intimacy had to be revealed, when it was called upon for me to give more of myself, it became difficult to love. I could never get past my feelings of abandonment.

LF- How did your substance use make you feel as though you were in control?

MF - It allowed my to escape the unhappiness I was feeling.

LF - Clean for 7 years now, do you feel you still have a personality that warrants addictive behavior?

MG - Yes, now I put all my energy into my work, I'm a workaholic.

LF - As you continue to work on a daily basis with your addictions, have you come to a point in your life when you must look at your parents to see that your issues may stem from their issues?

MG - Yes, finally. It has been a healing tool and has allowed the natural feelings I protected myself from, in terms of my anger to come about. I never wanted to blame my parents or see them as being responsible for what happened in my life. Then I had to have some acceptance, some willingness to know this is not a way a child should be treated. I learned that through my own experiences with my own children.

LF - What have your parents taught you?

MG - How to be a survivor.

LF - Where do you find your strength on your so called "bad days"?

MG - What life has taught me is there is so much more I need to learn, so much more I need to do. I am not afraid of that process anymore, I lived in fear most of my life, because of the traumatic life that I had. Feeling lonely in one of the most powerful feelings I have to deal with, even at different points in my life now. But, today I know I am not alone, because of my relationship with God.

LF - What advice can you share with those reading this interview that are in the midst of their addiction problems, their life spinning out of control and who knows they need help?

MG - Never give up, trust in God. Life is a journey. Seek love, happiness.

LF - Define Mike Green in 5 words prior to sobriety?

MG - lonely, depressed, confused, unhappy and angry.

LF - Describe Mike Green in 5 words today.

MG - blessed, happier, loving, caring and sensitive.

LF - What would you say to God if he/she came to you and said "Mike, I want to take away from you your history of substance abuse and all the ways it affected your life". How would you respond to this inquiry?

MG - I would say, "don't take it away". The reason I say this is if I had to go through all that I have gone through in my life to get to where I am today, I say "thank you". That is the place I am today. If you would have asked me that 7 years ago, I would say "please take away the addiction". I feel really good about myself today, not because of the success, but because I have learned how to live differently.

LF - Do you have any closing remarks?

MG - For me the one thing that my relationship with God has taught me is how to love people through him, not through with what I know. Remove the baggage; love them "in spite of" whatever they are. I am finding love in my own life as I overcome my fears of getting close. My fears of abandonment are dissolving away as I work through my own stuff, as I develop my relationship with God and myself. I ask God to show me what I need to do, rather than putting up the defense mechanisms around myself and building the walls to shield me from feeling.

LF - Michael, thank you for sharing your story, can you please leave us with a final quote.

MG - "For every day there is happiness, there is happier to be".